TUTORIAL ONE - INTRODUCTION  
Most of us have a well-developed 'sixth sense' which warns us of the impending approach of a bore before he actually commences his work. It has been said that this talent goes back to pre-historic times, when early man needed warnigs of thec approach of Neanderthals. Once a bore is detected, launch a pre-emptive strike before he settles down. 'The Nolans at No 26' is an excellent piece for this purpose, as it is unlikely that he will have a ready reposte.
HIGHLIGHTED TEXT: Any word or phrase which is highlighted should be accompanied by (a) a fist thumped on the bar, (b) a stiff finger poked into the ribs, or (c) a slow, knowing nod with half-closed eyes.
THE DISCOURSE
Hi my name is Garry Nolan and I have a brother called Mark. I am well known around here and I sell papers on the stall by the bus station. You know the one near the flower seller. His name is John. John the flower seller and he sells flowers; all types red gold blue, all colours and he also has a stall in the market on Sundays. The Sunday market is a real treat. Well you can buy flowers, meat, bread and they have a lottery too. I find that very exiting. I love playing the lottery but to win you have to turn up at 3.00 pm for the draw and that is not always convenient as I go to the gym on Sundays at 2.30. Fortunately John or his wife Julia are normally on hand to check my ticket. I once won a side of ham but being a vegetarian it was of no use to me. So I gave it to Nichola. She was my first wife but we still remain good friends even though her partner cheated me out of a business deal when we were in business, Yes you are right Nichola was my business partner and John was a client. I know I should never have let him into my confidence because behind my back they were having this affair. Well when I say behind my back it was quite open apart from the fact I could not believe it. Well I could only believe it when Nicholla became pregnant and all was out in the open. Anyway John, Nichola and I still remain friends and shoot pool at the Ivy Club on Saturdays. I like Saturdays as Julia, John,s wife is there. I’ve always had a soft spot for Julia, and if you think it is just to get back at John then you may be right. Well I know that John still had the hots for Nicholla and was not slow in helping her with her cue action. Julia and I continued to drink gin and tonics and talked about the new bar décor and how frothy the beer was. John and Julia had fallen into playfulness on the pool table whilst me, John and Nicholla were having meaningful discussions about the new bus time table and whether it was right to put out the local service to tender when everything was running perfectly as it was. It was pushing on for 10.30 and that was the time for the last bus. Should I stay with Julia and face a walk home or grab Nichola from John’s clutches? I chose to order us two more gin and tonics and as far as I was concerned I was far more interested in talking to Julia and failed to notice that John and Nichola had disappeared. As I turned my head there they were on the last bus.

IF ALL ELSE FAILS, CLICK HERE